Coffee Crone: Taming Coffee Blog

July 13 2006

Eventually, it all boils down to coffee.

The 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest results were announced on July 11 by the Dept. of English & Comparative Literature
of San Jose State University. This annual event is based on the premise that everyone deserves a chance to write a truly terrible first sentence for a book, even if the author stops after that accomplishment.

The author whose work inspired the competition was Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who in 1830, wrote this one:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

Jared Andersson, a home roasting list guy, posted the 2006 winner in the romance division for its obvious appeal to list members.

Despite the vast differences it their ages, ethnicity, and religious upbringing, the sexual chemistry between Roberto and Heather was the most amazing he had ever experienced; and for the entirety of the Labor Day weekend they had sex like monkeys on espresso, not those monkeys in the zoo that fling their feces at you, but more like the monkeys in the wild that have those giant red butts, and access to an espresso machine. ( by Dennis Barry of Dothan, AL )

As a woman over 50, I'm rather fond of the runner-up in this category, though I am a bit afraid that if I were to show it to RT, his grin would be too damn big.

Sex with Rachel after she turned fifty was like driving the last-place team on the last day of the Iditarod Dog Sled Race, the point no longer the ride but the finish, the difficulty not the speed but keeping all the parts moving in the right direction, not to mention all that irritating barking. (by Dan Winters of Los Altos Hills, CA )

posted by taming at 07:01 | link | comments (5)|
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Comments:

#1 13 July 2006 - 07:28

Sex with Rachel was a hoot! Although moving all the parts in the right direction I am not sure about....after all, when you learn to ride a bike you never forget, right?

JustMe63

#2 13 July 2006 - 07:31

I think, over time, it is a new skill. Think about it as riding a bicycle with flat tires.

taming

#3 13 July 2006 - 07:41

ah yes---results in slower speed, but the destination is the same....and you might be a bit more exhausted. Now I understand...

JustMe63

#4 13 July 2006 - 12:59

thanks for those, i needed that!

howard

#5 13 July 2006 - 20:53

I heard a radio commentator reading some of these stories and there was, I thought, a wonderful line along the lines of "she had a body that may you want to dig your own grave and then lick the shovel."....

Anonymous

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